We have over twenty years’ experience of supporting women through pre-conception, pregnancy and the early years of motherhood between us. And one thing has been true for every single person we’ve worked with. Being a new mum isn’t what they imagined it to be.
So if you’re a new mum and feel like your world’s turned upside down, you’re not alone. But you might well feel it. Once the baby’s earthside they grab all the attention – from health professionals, from cooing relatives. But what about you?
In this blog we look at some common experiences of those early days of parenting, and what you can do to get through them.
I don’t know what I’m doing
Having a new baby is overwhelming. Even if you’ve done it before. Suddenly you have this tiny thing dependent on you all the time. And your baby hasn’t read the parenting books. They might not follow the rules.
It might look like everyone else has it sorted. Especially if you’re scrolling social media. Some might have a baby that coos peacefully rather than with the red-faced rage your bundle of joy offers. Others are quick to offer advice on sleep, feeding, routines or lack of them…
The truth is there is no one perfect path to parenting. What worked for us, or for your sister, your colleague at work, or even your own previous baby may not work for you. And that’s ok. This is a time to switch off the external pressure and cut yourself some slack. Everyone is making it up as they go.
I can’t cope
No-one can be on-call 24/7 without feeling burned out. Especially when the person who has us on call is a tiny tyrant who communicates loudly and incoherently. If you’re feeling done in or as though you’re not up to the job, you’re not alone.
Feeling strung out while looking after your baby is normal. It’s possible to love your baby very much, and be desperate for some time away. If your days consist of a blend of highs and lows – enjoying snuggles with your little one, feeling teary that you’ve ‘done nothing’, bored at the relentless feed/sleep cycle, then amazed at this tiny being in your arms all within an hour - you’re in good company. We don’t know any mothers that feel on top of the world 100% of the time.
So don’t put yourself under pressure to ‘love every minute’ of this new journey. That’s a dangerous fantasy. Equally, if you’re feeling hopeless and unable to cope for days and weeks without respite, do seek help. We’ll have more on that in a moment.
I’ve lost myself
Our society loves babies and ignores mothers. Blunt but true. And that needs to change. But for now, if you feel you’ve sacrificed your identity to become a baby-feeding, baby-changing, baby-holding machine, well, as you can guess, you’re not alone.
It’s hard being a caregiver all of the time. And babies require constant caregiving. But it was never meant to be the relentless, isolating, guilt-ridden job of modern motherhood.
You might feel completely absorbed in your baby – and that is totally fine. You might feel resentful that you don’t have the freedom to enjoy the hobbies you had pre-baby. That’s fine too. All of the feelings are fine. And you are still a person in your own right, as well as a mother, through all of it.
You are a person too
If any of this rings true for you, we want you to remember: you are a person too. You have needs too. What you are doing right now is hard. It might feel impossibly hard. It certainly isn’t the existence of blissful serenity you might have been sold.
Sometimes acknowledging that it’s hard is enough. Sometimes the knowledge that, really and truly, other mothers are experiencing the same range of up, down and inside out feelings that you have going on is enough. It’s enough to see you through the next day, or hour, or until your baby smiles and you melt inside.
Sometimes you need more. And we want you to ask for it. Whether it’s professional support from a GP, company from supportive friends, family to hold the baby while you shower or read a book with your hands free, time away – notice what you need and ask for it. It’s time for mothers to stop being ignored.
Here at York Mother Nurture we’re all about supporting you. We focus on you, not your baby (gorgeous and wonderful as they are). Because you’re important.
And if your world feels turned upside down, we’re right there with you. Come and like our Facebook page and join in the conversation.
So if you’re a new mum and feel like your world’s turned upside down, you’re not alone. But you might well feel it. Once the baby’s earthside they grab all the attention – from health professionals, from cooing relatives. But what about you?
In this blog we look at some common experiences of those early days of parenting, and what you can do to get through them.
I don’t know what I’m doing
Having a new baby is overwhelming. Even if you’ve done it before. Suddenly you have this tiny thing dependent on you all the time. And your baby hasn’t read the parenting books. They might not follow the rules.
It might look like everyone else has it sorted. Especially if you’re scrolling social media. Some might have a baby that coos peacefully rather than with the red-faced rage your bundle of joy offers. Others are quick to offer advice on sleep, feeding, routines or lack of them…
The truth is there is no one perfect path to parenting. What worked for us, or for your sister, your colleague at work, or even your own previous baby may not work for you. And that’s ok. This is a time to switch off the external pressure and cut yourself some slack. Everyone is making it up as they go.
I can’t cope
No-one can be on-call 24/7 without feeling burned out. Especially when the person who has us on call is a tiny tyrant who communicates loudly and incoherently. If you’re feeling done in or as though you’re not up to the job, you’re not alone.
Feeling strung out while looking after your baby is normal. It’s possible to love your baby very much, and be desperate for some time away. If your days consist of a blend of highs and lows – enjoying snuggles with your little one, feeling teary that you’ve ‘done nothing’, bored at the relentless feed/sleep cycle, then amazed at this tiny being in your arms all within an hour - you’re in good company. We don’t know any mothers that feel on top of the world 100% of the time.
So don’t put yourself under pressure to ‘love every minute’ of this new journey. That’s a dangerous fantasy. Equally, if you’re feeling hopeless and unable to cope for days and weeks without respite, do seek help. We’ll have more on that in a moment.
I’ve lost myself
Our society loves babies and ignores mothers. Blunt but true. And that needs to change. But for now, if you feel you’ve sacrificed your identity to become a baby-feeding, baby-changing, baby-holding machine, well, as you can guess, you’re not alone.
It’s hard being a caregiver all of the time. And babies require constant caregiving. But it was never meant to be the relentless, isolating, guilt-ridden job of modern motherhood.
You might feel completely absorbed in your baby – and that is totally fine. You might feel resentful that you don’t have the freedom to enjoy the hobbies you had pre-baby. That’s fine too. All of the feelings are fine. And you are still a person in your own right, as well as a mother, through all of it.
You are a person too
If any of this rings true for you, we want you to remember: you are a person too. You have needs too. What you are doing right now is hard. It might feel impossibly hard. It certainly isn’t the existence of blissful serenity you might have been sold.
Sometimes acknowledging that it’s hard is enough. Sometimes the knowledge that, really and truly, other mothers are experiencing the same range of up, down and inside out feelings that you have going on is enough. It’s enough to see you through the next day, or hour, or until your baby smiles and you melt inside.
Sometimes you need more. And we want you to ask for it. Whether it’s professional support from a GP, company from supportive friends, family to hold the baby while you shower or read a book with your hands free, time away – notice what you need and ask for it. It’s time for mothers to stop being ignored.
Here at York Mother Nurture we’re all about supporting you. We focus on you, not your baby (gorgeous and wonderful as they are). Because you’re important.
And if your world feels turned upside down, we’re right there with you. Come and like our Facebook page and join in the conversation.
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