Thanks to years of campaigning peri-menopause and menopause are hot topics.  Once taboo, now menopause is being taken seriously enough to be on the agenda in HR departments and government committees.
This is all a good thing. But it does mean, inevitably, that an industry is springing up around the needs of menopausal people. All of a sudden there’s a deluge of products, services, books and treatments on offer targeting those experiencing peri-menopausal and menopausal symptoms.

Can massage help with the symptoms of menopause or is it just another industry jumping on the bandwagon?

It always surprises me when a new client tells me they have never had a massage before, I fell in love with massage as a teenager and it seems a crying shame that some people are only prompted to come for a treatment when they are going through a major life change (like pregnancy) or have specific aches and pains that need resolving. Massage is a hugely beneficial tool for self-care; it helps increase flexibility, eases aches and pains, reduces stress and tension, lowers blood pressure, aids restful sleep and allows for valuable me-time.  It’s something that everyone could benefit from, and can specifically support women dealing with symptoms of the menopause.
 
Treating the symptoms of the menopause isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ solution.  And I’m certainly not going to claim that coming for a massage is going to cure your hot flushes, magically improve brain fog or reduce vaginal dryness, but even if the only thing a massage does for you is help you to relax and de-stress this can make it easier to cope with this major life transition.

Five benefits of massage for menopausal women:

1. Increasing flexibility:  Menopausal women typically experience a number of physical changes including loss of muscle strength, bone density and flexibility.  Massage stimulates the natural muscle lubricants in your body, especially those between your connective muscles, and helps everything work smoothly. 

2. Easing aches and pains: dropping oestrogen levels in menopause can cause joint pains as well as stiffness. By helping our muscles relax and loosen up, massage can help ease these aches and pains 

3. Reducing stress and tension: typically the age women go through the menopause is also at the height of their caring responsibilities; they may be juggling caring for both children and aging parent as well as a job.  It’s a lot to keep on top of. Regular massage can be like loosening the lid of that pressure cooker, giving you time to relax and recharge.  Stress is recognised as a trigger for hot flushes and night sweats and by taking time to reduce your stress levels you can reduce the incidence and severity of this symptom 

4. Lowering blood pressure: Blood pressure can rise in menopausal women. Whether that’s through the change in hormones or because we have a tendency to put weight on during this time is not sure, but it is something we need to watch out for.  However research has shown that people who receive regular therapeutic massage have lower blood pressure.

5. Aiding restful sleep: Over 50% of perimenopausal and menopausal women experience insomnia. One study even suggests that one in four women with sleep difficulties deal with severe enough symptoms to impact their daytime functioning. Massage encourages the body to switch into the ‘rest and digest’ state by stimulating the vagus nerve and the parasympathetic system. This reduces the stress hormone cortisol that gives you that ‘always on’ feeling. Massage encourages the release of serotonin, a hormone that makes us feel good. Serotonin is also a precursor to the hormone melatonin that helps us to fall asleep. Massage decreases stress and anxiety, allowing for better and less disturbed sleep

In summary, massage has so many benefits it should be considered as part of any menopausal womens’s self-care plan.  If you’d like to find out more, please drop me a message here or email [email protected]

Pregnancy Massage is rightly talked about in the antenatal months - it is increasingly common for women and pregnant people to book a massage or two to support them in the run up to birth. And this is a wonderful thing, as massage provides all sorts of benefits to the pregnant body and mind. But what about post-natal massage? That rarely gets a mention, yet in my opinion is even more important. In this blog I’ll explain exactly why. 

The rise of pregnancy massage

Happily, more women and pregnant people, and their loved ones, recognise the many benefits of massage. And this is a great thing: I’m all for as many people as possible enjoying massage during their pregnancy, and for people gifting them vouchers to do so! 

As your body changes to accommodate your baby, your muscles and joints come under increased pressure. This can lead to swelling, nerve pain and joint pain - all of which can be alleviated by pregnancy massage. 

And pregnancy massage helps with emotional and mental stresses too. All the anxiety about the baby, and about the impending changes to your life: pregnancy massage offers both a respite and a reset, leaving you calmer and more about to cope. 

It’s so important to see a specialist massage therapist who is trained in working with pregnant bodies. They will know how to support you during your massage to relieve rather than exacerbate any pregnancy symptoms. You can read all about the benefits of pregnancy massage in more detail here.

Massage soon after birth is safe
But what about post-natal massage? Why isn’t this becoming as common as pregnancy massage?

One reason is that there are confusing messages given out after birth. Many women and postnatal people are told not to do anything until after their six week check, including massage. But the six week check in the UK is simply a ten minute discussion with your GP, there’s rarely a physical check at all. So, as long as you are seeing a trained specialist who is aware of your post-natal state, a massage is a superb way to support your healing after birth. 

Why do I say post-natal massage is even more important than pregnancy massage?

1. You need taking care of
Everything that was true about emotional and mental stress in pregnancy is often just as, or more, true once your baby is here! You now have a whole new human to look after 24/7. Your whole life is upside down as you get to grips with feeding, soothing, changing nappies and navigating ‘normal life’ again. 

And while you do this, everyone wants to coo over the newborn and shower them with gifts. When all a newborn really wants is to snooze and feed in familiar, loving arms - they don’t care about anything else.

You are the one who needs cooing over and showering with gifts (and I’m not talking about baby equipment). You have been through a stressful emotional and physical experience with pregnancy and birth. But birth isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. Your stress levels may sky rocket (‘are they feeding okay, are they developing normally, why aren’t I on top of everything, why can’t I even shower until 3pm?’).

The post-natal days can be overwhelming. You may be feeling entirely at a loss over how to cope. Your identity has changed, and you are getting to grips with that. You need to feel seen. You need some time to pause, and rest. And your baby, as well as you, will be all the better for it. 

I would love to see the attention given to pregnant people to continue right through to the parenting era, rather than the focus switching to the baby. The whole period of conception, pregnancy, birth and post-birth is one huge journey. It’s certainly not that your needs are less important once the baby’s here, though it can feel like it. Massage can help you restore some emotional balance and make a world of difference to how you feel, and your ability to cope.

2. Your body needs to heal, and massage helps
It’s frustrating that many people wait until 6 weeks postpartum before massage, when so often the most important healing work of massage can happen before then. In many cultures, all over the world, therapists would work with the recently postpartum body as a matter of course. Massage, and other bodywork, can ensure your bones and soft tissue returns to an optimal position, setting you up for a strong post-birth recovery. 

I have spent years providing post-natal massage, sometimes as soon as 24 hours after birth. I have seen its value first hand: both in gently easing the body and helping with aches and pains, and in providing the wellbeing boost that comes from therapeutic touch. This is particularly important if your birth was difficult or traumatic. Massage can help you reconnect with your feelings and amplify your recovery process. 

3. You are still you in your own right
Many people don’t want to leave their baby in the early days and weeks, and this is totally understandable - I was one of them! It felt impossible to even put them down for a second. But it is absolutely doable with a little planning. Your baby won’t even notice, and you’ll feel so much better for the short break.

I can come to you, and suggest we aim for a time when your baby has just had a feed so is more likely to snooze while you have your massage. If you have a friend on hand, they can be on temporary cuddle duty while you relax for an hour, or we can take a break if needed. I have provided massages to two friends who have taken turns to look after each other’s babies, which is a wonderful solution! 

Or if you come to my clinic, you can bring your baby. I am happy to take breaks if needed, or a friend could take them for a walk in a sling or pram while you enjoy your massage. 

I’m happy to be as flexible as possible to get you on the massage couch because it’s important! I know how intense the early weeks are. I remember losing myself in the whirlwind of caring for this new little human. It almost felt as though my baby and me were one person.

And, this feeling is entirely normal. But, it’s also healthy to remind yourself that you are a person in your own right, with your own specific needs. Yes, your life is focused on your baby full-time right now.   But .... imagine the bliss of lifting that responsibility for just an hour, knowing your baby is safe. The peace and quiet. Sinking into deep relaxation. And knowing that it’s your turn to be nurtured and soothed. You’ll leave the massage replenished, which can only benefit your baby. 
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Don’t stop looking after yourself when your baby is here
So, in short: post-natal massage is even more important than pregnancy massage because you matter! And while our society recognises that pregnant people need care and attention, we don’t get those messages once the baby is here. There’s all sorts of pressure to ‘get back to normal’ and to feel like you’re failing if you’re not out of the house by 9am. 

Post-natal massage is a reminder to see these messages for the toxic drivel they are. It’s a reminder that you are still on a journey as a mother or new parent. That your life and opinion is not forfeit because your baby is here. Your emotions, discomfort and experiences are all still valid. And a massage can help regulate you so you’re feeling much more in balance. 

With my massage bundle you can buy five massages and get one free. You can take these before or after birth, or across the pregnancy and early months period. To find out more and book a massage, or buy vouchers for a loved one, just email me at [email protected].

Whether it’s your first baby or your fifth, life with a newborn can leave you reeling. And with good reason. Whatever your birth experience, your body has pushed itself to the max and needs time to rest. And at that very time your body is asking for bed, you have a tiny thing depending on you for its every need. Plus, the sleep deprivation…

In truth, having a baby is a massive upheaval. To your body, to your lifestyle, and also to your sense of self. When you have a baby it’s not just the baby that’s born, it’s your identity as a mother. And, yes, that’s still true if it’s not your first baby. Matrescence, or the process of becoming a mother is a chemical and sociological process we’ll look at more in a future blog. 

In this blog we’ll get real about life with a newborn. And what you can do to look after yourself. Because the old adage that you can’t pour from an empty cup is true. It’s not just that you deserve to look after yourself as a treat. You are a human too, that doesn’t stop when you become a mother. And that means you have needs that need to be met too. Here’s my top two recommendations. 

1. Lower your expectations
This isn’t so much a practical tip, more of a mindset one. But it’s absolutely foundational. The world of new motherhood can be a whirlwind. It can feel competitive - with lots of advice and must dos coming from friends, family, social media gurus. And the number one piece of advice I can give you is to try and shake off most of it. 

You’ll have people telling you to shower everyday, because it’ll help you feel better. To ensure you have nutritious foods. To wear make-up so you feel like yourself. To read to your baby everyday. 

My recommendation is to only do the things that feel right. To stop comparing yourself to others. If your friend is up, dressed and out of the house by 9am everyday, it doesn’t mean she’s got it together more than you. She might be doing that because it’s what she needs to feel okay. She might be doing it because life genuinely is a breeze in the baby department. But the point is, you do what’s right for you. If you’re in your dressing gown all day watching daytime TV, who cares?

This time, more than any other in your life, is a time to give up external expectations. To forget the ‘shoulds’. Housework isn’t important. Preparing food from scratch isn’t important. If your pre-schooler has a bit more time in front of CBeebies than usual, that’s fine. Focus on keeping you and your baby safe. That’s enough. It really is. 
​

2. Be proactive in asking for support
Unfortunately our society no longer rallies around new parents. Ideally you’d have an army of friends and family looking after you while you look after your baby. These days we’re a lot more compartmentalised, separated out into our nuclear family units. And the time allowed for paternity leave is pathetic. 

But just as this time is one to truly let go of keeping on top of the housework, or other expectations about what we ‘should’ be doing, it’s also the time to be brave in asking for help.

I don’t know your circumstances so I don’t know who you’ve got in your circle. I do know that often friends and family are waiting for an invite to get involved - they just need a bit of direction. This is not the time to be coy if people ask how you’re doing. Be honest. And be specific about how they can help. For example:

“Thanks so much for asking. I’d love a bit of company and a hot meal sometime if you don’t mind?”

“Would you mind holding her for 15 minutes while I go and have a shower/bit of fresh air?”

“That pile of washing up is really getting to me and I can’t put him down right now. Would it be ok if we chat in the kitchen and you help me clear it?”

If you don’t have people around you, I highly recommend joining an online parenting group. In York, both York Mumbler and York Natural Nurturing Network are friendly, helpful parenting groups hosted by Facebook. Parents often ask for help on there, whether it’s about meeting up and getting some adult company, passing on outgrown clothes, or recommendations for soothing grouchy babies. 
    
The other important thing to do, wherever possible, is to take time for yourself. Ideally without your baby, if possible. To remind yourself you exist as a human in your own right, and have your own needs.

Post-natal massage is perfect for this. It gives you a space where you can leave all the demands at the door and be nurtured yourself. Importantly, it gently soothes your body, increasing blood flow and ‘happy hormones’ and helping you heal after the stresses of pregnancy and childbirth.

If you’re reading this and wondering what to ask for from friends and family after your baby’s born, put a postnatal massage on your list. Your future self will thank you. 

And if you’ve recently had a baby and feel like the wheels are coming off, I really hope you read this, then 1. lower your expectations and 2. reach out for support. And then, 3. book yourself a massage! You more than deserve it! 

To ask any questions about pregnancy or postnatal massage or book your session, simply contact me here. 

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I always approach Christmas thinking I won’t get sucked in. As autumn starts and the first mince pies hit the shelves (September!) I remind myself that Christmas doesn’t have to be stressful this year. That I don’t have to do all the things the TV adverts tell me to do, or buy. And, it certainly doesn’t have to be me doing everything. There are other humans in my household equally capable of planning, shopping, wrapping and cooking. Somehow it doesn’t ever work out like that though. I tend to be Mother Christmas, and I’m going to be honest that I grit my teeth through some of it. 

As autumn deepens I’m returning to Christmas thoughts with a renewed determination. We’re far enough away from the Big Day for me to approach it differently this year. These are the four things I plan to change to take the stress out of Christmas:

1. Delegate
The emotional and domestic burden of Christmas on women is huge. Of course, it varies from household to household. But, in my decades of working with women and mothers, I’ve found a strong trend for it to be us that takes on the Christmas juggernaut. Whether it’s writing and sending Christmas cards and presents to our partner’s families as well as our own, sorting out all the festive activities at school or planning a week’s worth of festive food, the burden usually falls to the women. 

This year I invite you to be firmer about delegating. You are a unique and wonderful person, but you are not uniquely skilled in wrapping gifts or writing cards. Managing what needs to be done is a job in itself, and shouldn’t be down to you either! But if you end up being the brains of the operation, make sure you have others doing some of the work. This is not the time to tolerate learned incompetence (read more about that here!)

2. Factor myself in
This year I plan to take time for myself in the build up to Christmas. We are so used to it being a frenzy of activity and rushing around. But that wasn’t supposed to be the purpose of the season. Midwinter festivals, Christmas included, are supposed to include time to rest. And not just rest as a result of overindulging and not being able to move for three days after the big feast. 

What if Christmas could be calm this year? Before as well as after 25 December? What if I could protect time for myself in the weeks before Christmas by booking myself in for a massage? What if you could too?

Thinking about it tactically, I know this is a productive use of my time too! I think more clearly and get things done more efficiently after taking time for myself. Massage allows our bodies to relax. It promotes the production of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine which means we relax at a physiological level. And we are all much more effective at operating from a relaxed rather than stressed state. 

3. Don’t buy needless gifts
This No-vember I am saying no to needless gifts. I encourage you to contact friends and family who you’ve always exchanged gifts with simply out of habit, and suggest an alternative. 

You might mutually decide to stop. Or to substitute your gift giving for dinner and a catch up together in the new year. You’re likely to be surprised by what a welcome suggestion this is for others as well as you!

​4. Choose experiences over stuff
Most of us have too much stuff. And it seems obvious, but when we buy things for people they need to be housed. So unless the items are something that’s wanted, we are creating work for the recipients of our gifts. Not to mention the environmental cost of producing and transporting the stuff.

Giving people an experience-based gift means you are giving them something life-enhancing, rather than a storage problem. Of course, I’m going to suggest you buy a massage for friends and family (more on that in a moment), but experiences can be anything: from cafe vouchers to trying a new skill. And if you are supporting ethically-minded small businesses you can be confident your money is helping people too. 

A massage is the perfect gift for the stressed-out mother. Even better if you can offer childcare to facilitate her getting away for an hour. My treatment room is very easy to reach by car or bus, and is the perfect sanctuary for someone needing a little restoration.

Pregnant women and new mothers in particular will thank you for gifting them a little time on the massage couch. As well as being the ultimate in relaxation, massage will help to soothe and heal pregnant and post-partum bodies. You can read more about the benefits of massage here. 

I offer gift vouchers, for individual massages or packages. And I have some availability in the build up to Christmas, as well as in the new year. Just call or email me and we’ll get your calmer Christmas sorted. 

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Having a baby, whether it’s your first or not, is a life-changer. Your baby will bring new demands, and they’ll express them forcefully! You’ll get less sleep (a form of torture in its own right), experience changes to your body, and, probably, a whole load of uncertainty about whether you’re doing it right.
 
So if you’re feeling low, or completely out of your depth, you’re not alone. Anyone would feel wobbly with that assault on their body, daily routine and personal space.
 
But what if things are feeling unbearable? In this blog we’ll look at how having a baby might affect your mental health, and what to do.
 
What is perinatal mental health?
 
Perinatal mental health is the term used to cover the mental health issues you might experience from becoming pregnant up to your baby’s first birthday. The NHS recognises this is a period of high stress and dedicate resources to supporting mothers during this time. They estimate around one fifth of all mothers experience some form of perinatal mental illness. And those that don’t will still experience some of the symptoms, in less heightened ways.
 
Perinatal mental illness can include conditions such as:

• Depression
• Anxiety disorders
• Postpartum psychosis
• Post traumatic stress disorder.

 
We’ll explore what this might look like in the rest of the blog.
 
 
Am I just adjusting to life with a baby or am I experiencing mental illness?
 
Many new mothers experience periods of time when they feel:

• Worried they aren’t looking after their baby properly. Questions like whether to put them down, get them into a sleep routine, why they are crying, how to keep them safe, whether they are feeding enough etc can occupy all your headspace, especially when you have a tiny person yelling at you.
• Like they just want to cry. Life has changed, and they’ve somehow lost themselves along the way. They feel low, and getting dressed is an effort. They’ve lost every ounce of energy or zest for life.
• Like they can’t cope. The house is a tip, other children are being left to their own devices, all anyone is eating is beans on toast, and getting a shower each day feels like a major victory.
• Sad about their birth. It wasn’t the experience they’d hoped it would be and they keep thinking about what happened.

 
If you have found yourself feeling similar, know that you’re in good company. When you’re in the midst of newborn chaos, you’re sleep deprived and your entire focus is on keeping another human alive, it’s natural to have moments when everything gets on top of you.
 
So if you have moments in your day when you just want to scream, or hide under the duvet, you’re not alone. It may reassure you to know that this is an entirely standard response to the strains of motherhood. An emotional rollercoaster throughout pregnancy and the first year goes with the territory to some extent. You’ll experience some low moments, but these will pass.
 
It doesn’t mean you should struggle on alone. Reach out for help from those around you – we have some ideas for practical ways to ask for help here. And if you need to process your birth with someone, there are a number of specialists who can help. Ask us and we’ll put you in touch.
 
But if you find your feelings aren’t going away – if you go for days feeling detached from your reality, or unable to cope, without respite - then it is definitely worth getting professional help. If you find your thoughts and feelings are getting in the way of you living your life and caring for your baby, it is time to seek help.
 
Perinatal mental health problems are nothing to be ashamed of
 
It’s not just you. Perinatal mental illness is a real thing. Thankfully, as we progress through the 21st Century our society is getting better at being open about mental health problems.
 
There’s no need to feel shame or stigma attached to being unwell after having your baby. If you had tripped and broken an arm you would seek help to get it healed. It’s the same with seeking support for your mental health.
 
If you feel you might need help with your mental health during pregnancy or after birth, talk to your GP or midwife. They can refer you to a perinatal mental health team who will be able to provide specialist support.
 
As far as possible, let your loved ones know you are struggling. More than ever this is a time to put your own needs first. Accept all the help that feels right for you.
 
We will be starting community meet-ups for any new mothers in York later in summer 2021. These will be a safe place to come as you are. Whether you want to talk, listen, or just drink a cup of tea, you’ll be very welcome.
 
Just send us an email with the words ‘meet up’ and we’ll make sure to let you know the dates. 

The time before your baby is born is a special kind of anticipation. Buying sweet little outfits, knitting blankets and choosing a car seat can all help you prepare mentally, as well as practically, for your new arrival.
 
But over the years so many parents have told us they’ve wasted £100s on items that were never used. So here we have five of the top ‘most wasted’ items, along with some tips on what you can do to prepare!
 
 
Nursery furniture
Decorating the baby’s nursery is an important pre-birth ritual for many families. But, in reality, the baby will likely be in your room for the first six months at least. And many parents find their baby/toddler doesn’t appreciate all the colour co-ordinated pastels and would rather be with you for longer!
 
So, by all means, if you have the budget and the inclination, do create a lovely space for your new arrival. But remember that as long as they have somewhere safe to sleep near you (in their own cot or following safe co-sleeping guidance) and somewhere you can store their clothes, you’re doing fine. You might want to save your money so they can help choose their own bedroom theme when they’re a little older.
 
Fancy baby clothes
Baby shoes, pinafores, dungarees and frilly dresses do look appealing on the coat hangers. But what matters most to your tiny baby is comfort. For them, that means contact with you, and it means snuggly soft clothes. A few baby vests and baby gros are all you need to get started. Plus trying to get a newborn into anything can be like wrestling an octopus. Make life easier for yourself and keep it simple.
 
Second hand are just as good as new – your baby won’t care! Join Facebook parenting groups like York Mumbler to pick up a bargain bundle.
 
Baby toiletries
You’ll see all sorts of baby shampoos, talcs, soaps and lotions for sale to improve your baby’s skin. But, unless your baby has a skin condition that needs special care (in which case don’t use high street brands on it anyway, seek advice), all your baby needs at bath time is warm water. And you don’t even need to rush that first bath. Wait until the umbilical cord stump has fallen off and healed.
 
Rather than buy a specialist baby bath, harness or seat for your tiny one, you could just get in the bath with them. They may enjoy being soothed by you as they try these new experiences.
 
Special nappy bin
You can buy special bins to put your baby’s used nappies in. You absolutely don’t need to. Any lidded bin will do, especially in the first six months when their soiled nappies tend not to be too stinky anyway!
 
And while we’re talking nappies, you can save money on a changing table too. While it might be nice to have a designated area to change your baby, a mat on the floor will do just fine, and save space. If you’re curious about trying reusable nappies, York Nappy Library can help.
 
Breast pump
Whether you intend to breastfeed long term or not, you don’t need to invest in a breast pump pre-birth. If you need one in the very first days your midwife should be able to help you get one.
 
Breast pumps can be very helpful if your baby struggles to latch, or if you intend to bottle feed using breast milk, but this is an item you can get within 24 hours if need be once your baby is born. Many women don’t use them at all. So save your money ahead of time. 
 
If you have any questions or concerns about breastfeeding it’s worth attending an antenatal workshop run by Treasure Chest York, a group offering free support. They also have resources on hiring breast pumps.
 
Our main advice for getting ready for your baby is to look after you. In this 21st century world we live in, most items can be delivered to you within a day if you find they’re necessary. So focus your attention on getting support around you and looking after yourself.
 
A pregnancy massage or maternity reflexology session can be a wonderful way to soothe yourself and emotionally prepare for birth and life with your new little one. We’re here to hold space for you however you need it – whether that’s a gentle chat about how you’re feeling or creating a peaceful environment as you relax. 

 Last time on the blog we tackled the tricky truth that our society loves newborns and neglects their mothers. This is something we want to see changed!
 
There’s a lot of pressure that comes with a new baby – and not just the pressure of looking after a new tiny human. There’s the pressure to be on top of it all, to bounce back, to be a gracious host to cooing visitors (lockdowns permitting of course). But the truth is, this isn’t a time for you to put on a performance. It’s a time to call for reinforcements! So in this blog we share some tips for how to ask for help when your baby’s born.
 
Trust your baby, trust yourself
Before anything else, this is a time to turn inwards. To let your world become small – about the size of you and your baby. Shut out the voices from well-meaning friends and family, or parenting experts. And tune into what you need.
 
This might seem like a hard ask if you’re wild-eyed with sleep deprivation and doubting your abilities to keep your little one safe and well. But we’re not asking you to tap into a well of earth motherliness and instant wisdom. Don’t worry if you feel like you don’t have a clue.
 
But you will know if you need a rest. You will know whether twenty minutes in the bath is calling you. And you will get to know your baby better than anyone else – certainly better than any expert out there. You’ll know that handing them over to Auntie Jane isn’t the best idea right now.
 
So let yourself listen to that knowledge. And use it to guide you.
 
Say yes
We are conditioned to say no when people offer to help. It’s so easy for the words, “Oh it’s ok, I’m fine thanks” to slip out. We take pride in our self-sufficiency.
 
But now is not the time to go with those social norms. Be a rebel. Say “yes please”.
 
If a friend offers to set up a meal rota for the fortnight after the baby’s born, say “yes please”.
 
If your brother offers to take your four year old to the park for a couple of hours, say “yes please”.
 
If your mum offers to do the washing up and hoover the stairs, say “yes please”.
 
You get the idea. It is liberating to say yes. It means your loved ones feel good about helping. It liberates them to ask for help in the future. You’re being a positive role model while getting some essential support in place.
 
 
Say no
It’s as hard to say no as it is to ask for help. We want to please others. We know June from next door is desperate to have a hold of the baby.  But we also know the baby is tired and in need of a feed.
 
Be the custodian of your baby’s space, and your own. You do not owe your visitors anything. You don’t need to get up to make them cups of tea. You don’t need to prove how well you’re doing. You don’t need to go on a grand tour of the country to meet everyone.
 
Get comfortable with saying no. You can always soften it with an alternative or explanation:
 
“She needs a feed right now but I’ll knock on the door in the next few days so you can have a cuddle.”
 
“It’s been lovely to see you but we’re both desperate for a nap now. Would be great to see you again soon.”
 
“We can’t want to introduce you but it will be a few weeks until we’re ready to make a long journey.”
 
 
Be specific
You know that phrase, “Just let me know if there’s anything you need”? And you know how you always nod and smile and nothing ever comes of it?
 
This is the time to change the script. Most people offering help genuinely mean it. But they don’t want to step on your toes, or don’t know what to do for the best. So, help them out and tell them what you need.
 
This might feel uncomfortable, or like you’re taking advantage. But you’re not. You’re letting them in when you need them. And, really, no-one’s going to feel put out by batch cooking a few extra portions of chilli, or dropping off some snacks. Or sitting and holding your sleeping baby so you can feel like your body’s your own for a while.
 
You know your own needs best. Whether it’s help with childcare, food, housework or shopping, get specific on how your loved ones can be there for you.
 
Nurture your postnatal self
Remember you’re a person in your own right – not just the 24/7 slave to the new tiny person in your life. So, without putting yourself under additional pressure, make time for yourself. We offer post-natal reflexology and post-natal massage sessions to help you revive and restore. And it’s not just about the treatment – it’s time to chat, offload, feel human again.
 
Just get in touch and we’ll talk through how we can help.

We have over twenty years’ experience of supporting women through pre-conception, pregnancy and the early years of motherhood between us. And one thing has been true for every single person we’ve worked with. Being a new mum isn’t what they imagined it to be.
 
So if you’re a new mum and feel like your world’s turned upside down, you’re not alone. But you might well feel it. Once the baby’s earthside they grab all the attention – from health professionals, from cooing relatives. But what about you?
 
In this blog we look at some common experiences of those early days of parenting, and what you can do to get through them.
 
I don’t know what I’m doing
Having a new baby is overwhelming. Even if you’ve done it before. Suddenly you have this tiny thing dependent on you all the time. And your baby hasn’t read the parenting books. They might not follow the rules.
 
It might look like everyone else has it sorted. Especially if you’re scrolling social media. Some might have a baby that coos peacefully rather than with the red-faced rage your bundle of joy offers.  Others are quick to offer advice on sleep, feeding, routines or lack of them…
 
The truth is there is no one perfect path to parenting. What worked for us, or for your sister, your colleague at work, or even your own previous baby may not work for you. And that’s ok. This is a time to switch off the external pressure and cut yourself some slack. Everyone is making it up as they go.
 
I can’t cope
No-one can be on-call 24/7 without feeling burned out. Especially when the person who has us on call is a tiny tyrant who communicates loudly and incoherently. If you’re feeling done in or as though you’re not up to the job, you’re not alone.
 
Feeling strung out while looking after your baby is normal. It’s possible to love your baby very much, and be desperate for some time away. If your days consist of a blend of highs and lows – enjoying snuggles with your little one, feeling teary that you’ve ‘done nothing’, bored at the relentless feed/sleep cycle, then amazed at this tiny being in your arms all within an hour - you’re in good company. We don’t know any mothers that feel on top of the world 100% of the time.
 
So don’t put yourself under pressure to ‘love every minute’ of this new journey. That’s a dangerous fantasy. Equally, if you’re feeling hopeless and unable to cope for days and weeks without respite, do seek help. We’ll have more on that in a moment.
 
I’ve lost myself
Our society loves babies and ignores mothers. Blunt but true. And that needs to change. But for now, if you feel you’ve sacrificed your identity to become a baby-feeding, baby-changing, baby-holding machine, well, as you can guess, you’re not alone.
 
It’s hard being a caregiver all of the time. And babies require constant caregiving. But it was never meant to be the relentless, isolating, guilt-ridden job of modern motherhood.
 
You might feel completely absorbed in your baby – and that is totally fine. You might feel resentful that you don’t have the freedom to enjoy the hobbies you had pre-baby. That’s fine too. All of the feelings are fine. And you are still a person in your own right, as well as a mother, through all of it.
 
You are a person too
If any of this rings true for you, we want you to remember: you are a person too. You have needs too. What you are doing right now is hard. It might feel impossibly hard. It certainly isn’t the existence of blissful serenity you might have been sold.
 
Sometimes acknowledging that it’s hard is enough. Sometimes the knowledge that, really and truly, other mothers are experiencing the same range of up, down and inside out feelings that you have going on is enough. It’s enough to see you through the next day, or hour, or until your baby smiles and you melt inside.
 
Sometimes you need more. And we want you to ask for it. Whether it’s professional support from a GP, company from supportive friends, family to hold the baby while you shower or read a book with your hands free, time away – notice what you need and ask for it. It’s time for mothers to stop being ignored.
 
Here at York Mother Nurture we’re all about supporting you. We focus on you, not your baby (gorgeous and wonderful as they are). Because you’re important.
 
And if your world feels turned upside down, we’re right there with you. Come and like our Facebook page and join in the conversation.  

In a recent blog I explained the benefits of massage during pregnancy:

• Reduced back pain
• Reduced joint pain
• Improved circulation
• Reduced oedema
• Reduced muscle tension and headache
• Hormone regulation
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Decreased symptoms of depression
• Improved oxygenation of soft tissues and muscles
• Better sleep

 
It is important to see a massage therapist with additional training in pregnancy/ peri-natal massage, so that they have a thorough understanding of pregnancy and your pregnant needs, knowledge of the contraindications to working with pregnant clients, and how to safely adapt positioning, massage and stretching techniques to pregnancy’s demands.  Pregnancy massage involves different techniques and modifications to the treatments so don’t be afraid to ask if your therapist has specialist training.

Safe positioning is also of upmost importance when receiving a pregnancy massage.  The best position for a pregnant woman during massage is side-lying.   Tables that provide a hole for the belly to fit through may seem like a wonderful idea in order to allow you to be able to lie face down, however, in reality there are a number of reasons why this cannot be recommended.  First of all, not all bodies are the same size or shape.  Some people have longer torsos than others and some carry higher or lower and some people have weight distributed differently.  A pre-made hole isn’t going to fit every bump.  More importantly dangling your belly through a hole can put strain on your ligaments.  The uterus is held in place by 3 sets of ligaments. During pregnancy a hormone called relaxin is released that causes you to not feel ligament pain as much.  This comes in useful when your pelvis starts to shift and open to allow the baby to get low and eventually to come out.  It also means you are not going to feel ligament damage as it is happening.  Hanging your belly through a hole in a table essentially means that gravity is pulling the entire weight of the contents of your uterus (baby, amniotic fluid, placenta) down, whilst the ligaments are trying to keep everything where it should be.  Some tables have a sling that goes underneath the table which can be tightened to support the ligaments, but the amount it would need to be tightened to protect those ligaments is enough to increase intra-uterine pressure (the pressure inside the uterus) which is what the hole was aiming to prevent!  Tables with these holes also increase the risk of increasing back pain.  Very often pregnancy creates a tendency towards increased spinal curvature and tension (this is quite likely one of the reasons you would come for a pregnancy massage).  If the belly is hanging through hole the back also isn’t well supported which strains the ligaments between the vertebrae.  If the massage therapist also applies pressure to the back as part of the massage further damage could be done, that you may not notice straight away due to the relaxin.


For these reasons pregnancy I offer pregnancy massages in the sidelying position on an extra-wide massage table.  4-8 pillows of various sizes and shapes are used to support the healthy alignment of your body whilst supporting your belly.  When the body is in proper alignment, with the knees stacked one above the other and the hips lined up with the shoulders, it mimics the body’s natural lines and allows for better range of motion of the joints. Keeping the hips and ankles stacked one on top of the other reduces the twist in the low spine and allows space for the sciatic nerve and the tendon and ligaments of the pelvis.  Being shown how to use pillows to get comfortable in a side lying position will also give you some tips for getting a comfy night’s sleep.