Having a baby, whether it’s your first or not, is a life-changer. Your baby will bring new demands, and they’ll express them forcefully! You’ll get less sleep (a form of torture in its own right), experience changes to your body, and, probably, a whole load of uncertainty about whether you’re doing it right.
 
So if you’re feeling low, or completely out of your depth, you’re not alone. Anyone would feel wobbly with that assault on their body, daily routine and personal space.
 
But what if things are feeling unbearable? In this blog we’ll look at how having a baby might affect your mental health, and what to do.
 
What is perinatal mental health?
 
Perinatal mental health is the term used to cover the mental health issues you might experience from becoming pregnant up to your baby’s first birthday. The NHS recognises this is a period of high stress and dedicate resources to supporting mothers during this time. They estimate around one fifth of all mothers experience some form of perinatal mental illness. And those that don’t will still experience some of the symptoms, in less heightened ways.
 
Perinatal mental illness can include conditions such as:

• Depression
• Anxiety disorders
• Postpartum psychosis
• Post traumatic stress disorder.

 
We’ll explore what this might look like in the rest of the blog.
 
 
Am I just adjusting to life with a baby or am I experiencing mental illness?
 
Many new mothers experience periods of time when they feel:

• Worried they aren’t looking after their baby properly. Questions like whether to put them down, get them into a sleep routine, why they are crying, how to keep them safe, whether they are feeding enough etc can occupy all your headspace, especially when you have a tiny person yelling at you.
• Like they just want to cry. Life has changed, and they’ve somehow lost themselves along the way. They feel low, and getting dressed is an effort. They’ve lost every ounce of energy or zest for life.
• Like they can’t cope. The house is a tip, other children are being left to their own devices, all anyone is eating is beans on toast, and getting a shower each day feels like a major victory.
• Sad about their birth. It wasn’t the experience they’d hoped it would be and they keep thinking about what happened.

 
If you have found yourself feeling similar, know that you’re in good company. When you’re in the midst of newborn chaos, you’re sleep deprived and your entire focus is on keeping another human alive, it’s natural to have moments when everything gets on top of you.
 
So if you have moments in your day when you just want to scream, or hide under the duvet, you’re not alone. It may reassure you to know that this is an entirely standard response to the strains of motherhood. An emotional rollercoaster throughout pregnancy and the first year goes with the territory to some extent. You’ll experience some low moments, but these will pass.
 
It doesn’t mean you should struggle on alone. Reach out for help from those around you – we have some ideas for practical ways to ask for help here. And if you need to process your birth with someone, there are a number of specialists who can help. Ask us and we’ll put you in touch.
 
But if you find your feelings aren’t going away – if you go for days feeling detached from your reality, or unable to cope, without respite - then it is definitely worth getting professional help. If you find your thoughts and feelings are getting in the way of you living your life and caring for your baby, it is time to seek help.
 
Perinatal mental health problems are nothing to be ashamed of
 
It’s not just you. Perinatal mental illness is a real thing. Thankfully, as we progress through the 21st Century our society is getting better at being open about mental health problems.
 
There’s no need to feel shame or stigma attached to being unwell after having your baby. If you had tripped and broken an arm you would seek help to get it healed. It’s the same with seeking support for your mental health.
 
If you feel you might need help with your mental health during pregnancy or after birth, talk to your GP or midwife. They can refer you to a perinatal mental health team who will be able to provide specialist support.
 
As far as possible, let your loved ones know you are struggling. More than ever this is a time to put your own needs first. Accept all the help that feels right for you.
 
We will be starting community meet-ups for any new mothers in York later in summer 2021. These will be a safe place to come as you are. Whether you want to talk, listen, or just drink a cup of tea, you’ll be very welcome.
 
Just send us an email with the words ‘meet up’ and we’ll make sure to let you know the dates. 

The time before your baby is born is a special kind of anticipation. Buying sweet little outfits, knitting blankets and choosing a car seat can all help you prepare mentally, as well as practically, for your new arrival.
 
But over the years so many parents have told us they’ve wasted £100s on items that were never used. So here we have five of the top ‘most wasted’ items, along with some tips on what you can do to prepare!
 
 
Nursery furniture
Decorating the baby’s nursery is an important pre-birth ritual for many families. But, in reality, the baby will likely be in your room for the first six months at least. And many parents find their baby/toddler doesn’t appreciate all the colour co-ordinated pastels and would rather be with you for longer!
 
So, by all means, if you have the budget and the inclination, do create a lovely space for your new arrival. But remember that as long as they have somewhere safe to sleep near you (in their own cot or following safe co-sleeping guidance) and somewhere you can store their clothes, you’re doing fine. You might want to save your money so they can help choose their own bedroom theme when they’re a little older.
 
Fancy baby clothes
Baby shoes, pinafores, dungarees and frilly dresses do look appealing on the coat hangers. But what matters most to your tiny baby is comfort. For them, that means contact with you, and it means snuggly soft clothes. A few baby vests and baby gros are all you need to get started. Plus trying to get a newborn into anything can be like wrestling an octopus. Make life easier for yourself and keep it simple.
 
Second hand are just as good as new – your baby won’t care! Join Facebook parenting groups like York Mumbler to pick up a bargain bundle.
 
Baby toiletries
You’ll see all sorts of baby shampoos, talcs, soaps and lotions for sale to improve your baby’s skin. But, unless your baby has a skin condition that needs special care (in which case don’t use high street brands on it anyway, seek advice), all your baby needs at bath time is warm water. And you don’t even need to rush that first bath. Wait until the umbilical cord stump has fallen off and healed.
 
Rather than buy a specialist baby bath, harness or seat for your tiny one, you could just get in the bath with them. They may enjoy being soothed by you as they try these new experiences.
 
Special nappy bin
You can buy special bins to put your baby’s used nappies in. You absolutely don’t need to. Any lidded bin will do, especially in the first six months when their soiled nappies tend not to be too stinky anyway!
 
And while we’re talking nappies, you can save money on a changing table too. While it might be nice to have a designated area to change your baby, a mat on the floor will do just fine, and save space. If you’re curious about trying reusable nappies, York Nappy Library can help.
 
Breast pump
Whether you intend to breastfeed long term or not, you don’t need to invest in a breast pump pre-birth. If you need one in the very first days your midwife should be able to help you get one.
 
Breast pumps can be very helpful if your baby struggles to latch, or if you intend to bottle feed using breast milk, but this is an item you can get within 24 hours if need be once your baby is born. Many women don’t use them at all. So save your money ahead of time. 
 
If you have any questions or concerns about breastfeeding it’s worth attending an antenatal workshop run by Treasure Chest York, a group offering free support. They also have resources on hiring breast pumps.
 
Our main advice for getting ready for your baby is to look after you. In this 21st century world we live in, most items can be delivered to you within a day if you find they’re necessary. So focus your attention on getting support around you and looking after yourself.
 
A pregnancy massage or maternity reflexology session can be a wonderful way to soothe yourself and emotionally prepare for birth and life with your new little one. We’re here to hold space for you however you need it – whether that’s a gentle chat about how you’re feeling or creating a peaceful environment as you relax.