Last time on the blog we tackled the tricky truth that our society loves newborns and neglects their mothers. This is something we want to see changed!
 
There’s a lot of pressure that comes with a new baby – and not just the pressure of looking after a new tiny human. There’s the pressure to be on top of it all, to bounce back, to be a gracious host to cooing visitors (lockdowns permitting of course). But the truth is, this isn’t a time for you to put on a performance. It’s a time to call for reinforcements! So in this blog we share some tips for how to ask for help when your baby’s born.
 
Trust your baby, trust yourself
Before anything else, this is a time to turn inwards. To let your world become small – about the size of you and your baby. Shut out the voices from well-meaning friends and family, or parenting experts. And tune into what you need.
 
This might seem like a hard ask if you’re wild-eyed with sleep deprivation and doubting your abilities to keep your little one safe and well. But we’re not asking you to tap into a well of earth motherliness and instant wisdom. Don’t worry if you feel like you don’t have a clue.
 
But you will know if you need a rest. You will know whether twenty minutes in the bath is calling you. And you will get to know your baby better than anyone else – certainly better than any expert out there. You’ll know that handing them over to Auntie Jane isn’t the best idea right now.
 
So let yourself listen to that knowledge. And use it to guide you.
 
Say yes
We are conditioned to say no when people offer to help. It’s so easy for the words, “Oh it’s ok, I’m fine thanks” to slip out. We take pride in our self-sufficiency.
 
But now is not the time to go with those social norms. Be a rebel. Say “yes please”.
 
If a friend offers to set up a meal rota for the fortnight after the baby’s born, say “yes please”.
 
If your brother offers to take your four year old to the park for a couple of hours, say “yes please”.
 
If your mum offers to do the washing up and hoover the stairs, say “yes please”.
 
You get the idea. It is liberating to say yes. It means your loved ones feel good about helping. It liberates them to ask for help in the future. You’re being a positive role model while getting some essential support in place.
 
 
Say no
It’s as hard to say no as it is to ask for help. We want to please others. We know June from next door is desperate to have a hold of the baby.  But we also know the baby is tired and in need of a feed.
 
Be the custodian of your baby’s space, and your own. You do not owe your visitors anything. You don’t need to get up to make them cups of tea. You don’t need to prove how well you’re doing. You don’t need to go on a grand tour of the country to meet everyone.
 
Get comfortable with saying no. You can always soften it with an alternative or explanation:
 
“She needs a feed right now but I’ll knock on the door in the next few days so you can have a cuddle.”
 
“It’s been lovely to see you but we’re both desperate for a nap now. Would be great to see you again soon.”
 
“We can’t want to introduce you but it will be a few weeks until we’re ready to make a long journey.”
 
 
Be specific
You know that phrase, “Just let me know if there’s anything you need”? And you know how you always nod and smile and nothing ever comes of it?
 
This is the time to change the script. Most people offering help genuinely mean it. But they don’t want to step on your toes, or don’t know what to do for the best. So, help them out and tell them what you need.
 
This might feel uncomfortable, or like you’re taking advantage. But you’re not. You’re letting them in when you need them. And, really, no-one’s going to feel put out by batch cooking a few extra portions of chilli, or dropping off some snacks. Or sitting and holding your sleeping baby so you can feel like your body’s your own for a while.
 
You know your own needs best. Whether it’s help with childcare, food, housework or shopping, get specific on how your loved ones can be there for you.
 
Nurture your postnatal self
Remember you’re a person in your own right – not just the 24/7 slave to the new tiny person in your life. So, without putting yourself under additional pressure, make time for yourself. We offer post-natal reflexology and post-natal massage sessions to help you revive and restore. And it’s not just about the treatment – it’s time to chat, offload, feel human again.
 
Just get in touch and we’ll talk through how we can help.

We have over twenty years’ experience of supporting women through pre-conception, pregnancy and the early years of motherhood between us. And one thing has been true for every single person we’ve worked with. Being a new mum isn’t what they imagined it to be.
 
So if you’re a new mum and feel like your world’s turned upside down, you’re not alone. But you might well feel it. Once the baby’s earthside they grab all the attention – from health professionals, from cooing relatives. But what about you?
 
In this blog we look at some common experiences of those early days of parenting, and what you can do to get through them.
 
I don’t know what I’m doing
Having a new baby is overwhelming. Even if you’ve done it before. Suddenly you have this tiny thing dependent on you all the time. And your baby hasn’t read the parenting books. They might not follow the rules.
 
It might look like everyone else has it sorted. Especially if you’re scrolling social media. Some might have a baby that coos peacefully rather than with the red-faced rage your bundle of joy offers.  Others are quick to offer advice on sleep, feeding, routines or lack of them…
 
The truth is there is no one perfect path to parenting. What worked for us, or for your sister, your colleague at work, or even your own previous baby may not work for you. And that’s ok. This is a time to switch off the external pressure and cut yourself some slack. Everyone is making it up as they go.
 
I can’t cope
No-one can be on-call 24/7 without feeling burned out. Especially when the person who has us on call is a tiny tyrant who communicates loudly and incoherently. If you’re feeling done in or as though you’re not up to the job, you’re not alone.
 
Feeling strung out while looking after your baby is normal. It’s possible to love your baby very much, and be desperate for some time away. If your days consist of a blend of highs and lows – enjoying snuggles with your little one, feeling teary that you’ve ‘done nothing’, bored at the relentless feed/sleep cycle, then amazed at this tiny being in your arms all within an hour - you’re in good company. We don’t know any mothers that feel on top of the world 100% of the time.
 
So don’t put yourself under pressure to ‘love every minute’ of this new journey. That’s a dangerous fantasy. Equally, if you’re feeling hopeless and unable to cope for days and weeks without respite, do seek help. We’ll have more on that in a moment.
 
I’ve lost myself
Our society loves babies and ignores mothers. Blunt but true. And that needs to change. But for now, if you feel you’ve sacrificed your identity to become a baby-feeding, baby-changing, baby-holding machine, well, as you can guess, you’re not alone.
 
It’s hard being a caregiver all of the time. And babies require constant caregiving. But it was never meant to be the relentless, isolating, guilt-ridden job of modern motherhood.
 
You might feel completely absorbed in your baby – and that is totally fine. You might feel resentful that you don’t have the freedom to enjoy the hobbies you had pre-baby. That’s fine too. All of the feelings are fine. And you are still a person in your own right, as well as a mother, through all of it.
 
You are a person too
If any of this rings true for you, we want you to remember: you are a person too. You have needs too. What you are doing right now is hard. It might feel impossibly hard. It certainly isn’t the existence of blissful serenity you might have been sold.
 
Sometimes acknowledging that it’s hard is enough. Sometimes the knowledge that, really and truly, other mothers are experiencing the same range of up, down and inside out feelings that you have going on is enough. It’s enough to see you through the next day, or hour, or until your baby smiles and you melt inside.
 
Sometimes you need more. And we want you to ask for it. Whether it’s professional support from a GP, company from supportive friends, family to hold the baby while you shower or read a book with your hands free, time away – notice what you need and ask for it. It’s time for mothers to stop being ignored.
 
Here at York Mother Nurture we’re all about supporting you. We focus on you, not your baby (gorgeous and wonderful as they are). Because you’re important.
 
And if your world feels turned upside down, we’re right there with you. Come and like our Facebook page and join in the conversation.